You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
