my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
