Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
