So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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