Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
did i just pee glitter
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
