if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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