My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
