i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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