I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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