Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
