I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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