not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
