There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
