I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
