This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
