She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
