I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
