Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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