So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
