She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
