Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
