Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
