Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
