Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
this just has baby written all over it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
