I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
