so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I would fuck him just for his dog
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