My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
