i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
