I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
