I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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