i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
