so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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