i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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