I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
