I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
