So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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