Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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