Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
