Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
