I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
