let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
