I have demons in me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
