i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
