Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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