My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
