Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
