At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
