Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
