it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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