You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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