I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
