Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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