Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
