We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
