It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
