i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
