i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
