he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
