Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
