my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
