I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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